Your Journey Into Mystery Quizo Update

This week's update is coming a day early since I'll be comms-down all day tomorrow. Consider it more time than usual to get yourself prepped and ready. It's not going to be a regular thing, so don't get your hopes up. Apologies for length as well, this one turned out to be something of a tome.

I was at the pub on Saturday morning to watch Chelsea's 2-1 win over Charlton when I mentioned to the assembled throng that I would be watching the Eagles game at friends of mine's new house, which was in someplace called "Royersford." I asked if anyone knew where this place was and I got multiple answers, none of which were remotely similar.

"It's out 202 someplace, I think. Down near Westchester."

"No, no, it's out near Reading."

"I think it's in Montgomery County... or Chester County... or near Norristown... or maybe not."

Royersford is, in actuality, none of those places. People who know me well will grudgingly admit that one of my few useful skills is my ability to pretty much find the best way to get anyplace within my sphere of geographical knowledge (producing plays is not really a "useful" skill). The western limit of said sphere, however, is right around the King of Prussia mall, so of course I got directions that had me going way the hell out 76 (to KoP, aka "my limit") and then way the hell out something called 422. When you get in the car and realize that the directions to a place you've never heard of include a ROAD you've never heard of, that is not a sign that things are going to go well for you.

I had to meet my producing partner at the mall to pick up the scripts for our next show on the way. If you've never been to King of Prussia Mall, suffice it to say that getting into the parking lot is quite easy. Getting OUT of the lot and onto a specific road going someplace you actually want to get to is another matter entirely. As we were talking I asked if he knew how to get onto this mysterious 422.

He said, and I am quoting here, "I dunno. But we can ask the car."

He was driving his father's new Benz which apparently has some sort of navigation system whereby you put in an address and it tells you how to get there. Like, vocally. As you're driving it will say "turn right here, then look for a right soon thereafter." We put in my destination address and got elaborate directions, even how to get out of the parking lot we were in. It's quite well-spoken and pleasant; I would have expected a German car to be a little more condescending.

On the way out there I kept seeing signs for places I had only ever heard of in fevered whispers and never really believed existed, like "Trappe" and "Oaks" and "Valley Forge." Heading out 422 I saw a very large, very dark cloud bank hanging over the landscape. After a few miles I realized this cloud bank was not, in fact, clouds, but was something emanating from a pair of cooling towers, and it occurred to me that driving TOWARDS the nuclear power plant may not have been the best move long-term health-wise.

I finally arrived at the house, which one actually gets to by parking in the lot of the high school behind their conehead development and cutting through the baseball fields, and when I got out of my car I just stood there, looked around, and said to myself:

"Where the FUCK am I?"

This is what happens when you step outside your limits.

At the very least, the Eagles put up a very convincing win over the hapless Houston Texans, even in the face of what the TV commentators (who we had to listen to because Merrill Reese was 6 seconds ahead of the TV feed) called the best drive in Texans history. The afternoon was only sweetened watching the Cowboys game, when someone said "anyone remember the Bounty Bowl?" and we all had a good laugh. Buddy Ryan, man, those were the days. The freaking Bounty Bowl. Good times.

Bear in mind that we now have a semi-functional website again, this time at

http://quizo.blogspot.com

The new site will have, at the very least, reposts of the weekly e-mail and the recaps I used to do at the old site, for which (if you can believe it) I've actually gotten requests. Perhaps some other stuff as well, as I think of it. So there you have it.

Finally, also bear in mind that the subject line of this week's e-mail is also one of my patented obtuse clues to a question this week.

See you all Monday night.

JLK