Your Snappy Comeback Quizo Update

A friend of mine has, for some reason, always had trouble with people informing him that smoking is bad.

For starters, here's a general hint for all you obnoxious non-smoker types out there: WE KNOW. We are aware that smoking is bad for you. None of us believe in the health benefits of smoking. We may be dumb, but we're not stupid. Smoking is bad. Duh. WE FUCKING WELL GET IT. Denis Leary does a ten-minute bit about this. We're all in the know on the subject.

So my friend has a standard response to occurrences like this. Whenever a random person comes up to him and says, "smoking is bad for you," his flicks his cigarette at their feet and says, "so is talking to strangers." I usually try to be a little more polite than that, offering an apologetic shrug or whatnot, although the really holier-than-thou anti-smoker is too annoying for words. I'll always take my cigarette someplace else if you ask. Well, not YOU people specifically, but normal people. I try not to be rude.

Saturday I'm driving home from the pub after Chelsea's 4-0 win and I'm stopped at the light at 3rd and Lombard. I'm barely out of the parking lot, obviously. Now Saturday was, of course, a beautiful day, and I had the windows in the car open. While sitting at the intersection I light a cigarette.

Almost immediately after this happens some 20-something hippie punk yells at me from the corner, very loudly, "SMOKING KILLS!"

This is the kind of anti-smoking person I hate. A person who is too young to know anything about anything shouting epithets at random strangers who are just sitting in their car trying to enjoy a cigarette and the opening track of Ultimate Kylie. Get over yourself.

Before I can get really, really, REALLY angry at this - which is what probably would have happened nine times out of ten - I get a shot of instant inspiration, and just yell back at him:

"SO DO I!"

It was the greatest moment of my life.

JLK