Your March Madness Quizo Update

It's that time of year again, the time of year when I inexplicably put money on Kansas winning the NCAA Tournament and Kansas remembers, "hey, we're Kansas, and we can't make it past the second round ever." This year I am bucking the trend by actually betting that Kansas will LOSE in the second round, thus insuring them a national championship. It's like I always say: it isn't spring until I've lost money on Kansas.

It's weird because I don't really bet on sports. Actually I pretty much don't ever bet on sports. Aside from the occasional "hey, five bucks says my team beats your team" with my friends which is much more about being right than it is about betting or winning money, the only sporting event I have ever put any sort of remotely serious money on - and by remotely serious I'm talking that one year I think I spent a grand total of $80 on four different entries - is the tournament. I'm not one of those guys who relentlessly scours the Vegas Line section of the newspaper looking for the sure thing or the sucker line or whatever (though I can certainly identify such things), I don't sweat games between two teams I don't care about hoping one team covers, and I don't obsessively track my win/loss/profit ratio. But I have done a bracket (or two, or three, or four) every year since at least 6th grade, and I've put money on it since... well, actually, since about 6th grade, now that I think about it.

I used to actually be pretty good at these tournament things - back in high school when I was a whole hell of a lot more into college basketball than I am now I actually won a couple - but my interest has been dwindling the last few years and I think we may be at a point this year where I don't even do a serious bracket. Feels kinda strange, honestly. It would be nice to see Kansas pull it out this year, but we all know that isn't going to happen. Why? They're Fucking Kansas.

By the way, Christopher, North Carolina = biggest joke 1 seed ever. BIGGEST FUCKING JOKE EVER. UNC is the new Kansas. Enjoy the 2nd round. Sons of bitches. God I hate North Carolina.

Does anyone know what the purpose of the little buttons on your shirt sleeves is? I don't mean the buttons on your cuffs - that's fairly obvious - I mean the little ones below the cuffs that, like, keep your forearms airtight. I was wrestling with one this morning and finally just started yelling (at my desk, I guess) "what the hell is this thing FOR anyway?" Frankly, given some of the questions I thought rhetorical and unanswerable I've put in these e-mail and gotten answers to, I expect someone to come through with this one.

And finally, the main lesson I learned this weekend is that pissing off Spartans is never a good idea. They are a prickly bunch. And that 300 is the most awesome movie ever, but if you think it "isn't violent enough" you have serious psychological problems.

JLK