It's a beautiful game. No, really.

A discussion came up today on one of the Chelsea e-mail groups that somehow got around to the subject of the MLS and Alexi Lalas' comments about the... shall we say... "disparities" between the American and English leagues. I said something that was a tepid defense of part of his inanity, but was then inspired to write the following

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By the way, lest anyone think me some sort of apologist, let's make one thing clear: while I do not think the MLS is a "rec league" necessarily saying that it is on par with the big leagues in Europe is folly. It is absolute, unabashed folly. The MLS might be the talent equivalent of the Championship, but I honestly haven't seen enough Championship football to make an accurate guess.

I'm sorry, MLS. I've tried to watch you. Screw you. You're boring. If there is nothing else on and I need background noise while I'm working on something else I will watch your substandard product, but even reruns of Mythbusters (ones that I've already seen) counts as "something else on." The one article I read made the oh-so-witty comment that "the concept of marking" does not appear to have reached the MLS. Fuck that. The concept of RUNNING does not appear to have reached the MLS. The vast majority of the players seem to have no desire to win whatsoever, which is not surprising when one considers I make more in 6 hours at a poker table on Saturday night than 90% of MLS players make in a week.

You want me to watch you, MLS? Here's an idea. PUT A FUCKING TEAM NEAR MY HOUSE. I live in the fifth-largest city in the United States where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting some 10-year-old playing soccer. I live 4 miles from the BIGGEST YOUTH SOCCER CENTER IN THE UNITED STATES but the nearest MLS team plays at the Meadowlands. Ten years on and there are teams in Columbus (15th biggest city in the US), Kansas City (40th) and Salt Lake City (122nd) but not in what is, at worst, the second- or third-biggest soccer city in the country.

You bring in David Beckham and then you stick him in LOS ANGELES, which may be the most sports-apathetic city in the world. You're the LaSalle University of professional sports: you try to do the right thing, and then you colossally fuck it up. At least my fair alma mater has the good grace to feel bad about it afterwards and apologize; you completely fuck everything up and then ask me why I have the nerve to not love it. Fuck you, MLS.

JLK