Your "Always In Motion, Is The Force" Quizo Update

Let’s take a little walk down memory lane, shall we, to the events of last week, but not until after I throw some generalized questions out there at the teeming trivia masses.

Question the first: is anyone a botanist? Or do they know a botanist? I’m serious. I have a question about trees.

Question the second: I got Soul Calibur IV this weekend for 360. It is awesome. It might be the most beautiful video game in the history of Western civilization. I absolutely fucking suck at it. Can someone teach me how to not be awful at Soul Calibur? If you say “Use Yoda/The Apprentice” I will sell your intestines on eBay. Actually, not even eBay, on craigslist. That way you’ll know that some really skeevy, creepy dude from West Philly is going to have your intestines.

Question the third: continuing that theme, me and some pals are starting an online Dynasty in NCAA Football 09 (and, likely, Madden 09 when it comes out). Our style of play is best described as “casual sim.” We’re in it to have fun but we don’t screw around; if you’re one of those guys who puts a cornerback in at receiver and never punts and sprints your QB all the way out of the pocket no matter what play you run – in the parlance of the land, a “cheeser” – this is not the group for you. However, if you are the kind of person who, like me, would love to switch your team from a 4-3 to a 3-4 but doesn’t because “that’s not [insert school name here]’s defense” but you still laugh at yourself when you give up a 98-yard bomb TD, then come on down. I’m leaning toward a non-superpower conference – something like the Big East, the ACC, or C-USA – but if we actually get 12 people I would seriously consider the Big XII (obviously Kansas is taken). Let me know if you’re interested.

Now then, on with the show.

When last we left our intrepid band of Quizo adventurers we were… er… at Quizo. Yes. Well, we were at Quizo with the disastrous sports records speed round, which I honestly thought would have gone over better than it did. Fun was had, laughs were laughed, songs were sung, and so on and so forth.

Then came Tuesday, when I finally bought a shiny new car. Well, a shiny used car, but a newer car than I had possessed the day before (i.e. no car). By my automotive standards it practically is a new car anyway inasmuch as it is the first car I’ve ever had that, were it a human being, is not old enough to be a freshman in high school. At a scant two years young it is a more than an able replacement for my old car, which you will recall died in a rather spectacular manner after replacing my old old car, which died in a rather slow, agonizing, young-mother-of-three-with-inoperable-brain-cancer Lifetime movie manner.

On Wednesday morning, then, I had this conversation with my boss when he stopped by my desk:

Boss: Hey, I’m really sorry.

Me: Sorry about what?

Boss: (confused) Didn’t anyone talk to you?

Me: Nobody ever talks to me. (This is true; my desk is off in a corner literally surrounded by people from an entirely different department.)

Boss: Oh my god, I can’t believe [our super-boss] didn’t say anything to you.

Me: About…?

Boss: One of the finance people woke up yesterday and found out the program is out of budget. Completely broke. We have to let all the contractors go at the end of next week.

This is how I found out I am getting laid off. 16 hours after buying a car. And, because I am a contractor, without severance. Like you do. For a little while there I was fairly upset about this turn of events, and I still occasionally get moments of distress about it because, in a distinct change of pace, I actually really like this job. However, I am fairly sanguine about the whole process for two reasons. One, later that very day I got a call from a headhunter – who as a group I have been chasing away with sticks for the last 6 months, a behavior likely to change – asking me to interview for a job next week for the same salary I’m making now. And two, after some thought and calculation I realized that thanks to the largesse of our President I will be getting 9 months (possibly a full year) of unemployment benefits and that in those 9 months I can take the same number of day classes at Drexel that would take TWO YEARS to finish at night, so I am also strongly considering the possibility of going back to school full-time for a couple terms. So I have options, at least.

But then, in the wake of all this heartache and strife, came Sunday afternoon, and a Phil-tastic performance by Phil Mickelson on the final 9 at Firestone. Let me tell you if you didn’t see it, folks, it was CHOKE-FUCKING-TACULAR. When I’m feeling down – and, let’s face it, I’m a little down after all this – that damnable song is right, my favorite things DO cheer me up, and if there is a better or more favorite way to spend a summer Sunday afternoon than watching Chokey McChokerson give away a World Golf Championship on the last four holes of the tournament, oh Sweet Zombie Jesus I can’t think of it.

The kittens and their whiskers, though, they can go screw. I am not a cat person.

JLK