Your Connect the Dots Quizo Update

I have developed this distressing habit lately where my mind will simply fail to make any connection between two important and related events. I will be able to recognize that, yes, Item A is very important, and Item B is as well, but whatever sort of strange mental linkage that happens and makes you think "oh my God those two things have something to do with each other" just never happens. Perhaps I have early-early-early-early-early-early-onset Alzheimer's. I knew I should have eaten those shark brains when I had the chance.

The whole thing with the election and what was to be my next show was the first example, but this weekend proved to be even more personal than that.

There was a plan to go to the Dark Horse to celebrate my 29th birthday - which none of you even bothered to notice, shame on you - on Saturday night. Beforehand, I was sitting at home watching the Army-Navy game, and my thought process at some point in the second half went something like this:

"Okay, Navy's winning, so... the game should be over by about 6, maybe 6:30, I'll hop in the shower, get some dinner, then head downtown to the bar." [pause] "Yeah, that sounds good. Can't think of anything that could possibly go wrong there."

I first drove past the pub at about 8:45. I did not get out of my car, in the Ritz parking lot at 2nd and Walnut until almost 9:15. Why did I park at a movie theatre 4 blocks away from the pub, you ask?

The parking lot on Front Street was full. The parking lot behind Cosi was full. The parking lot across the street from that was full. The parking lot at 3rd and Bainbridge was full. The parking lot on 3rd between South and Lombard (which I have a sneaking suspicion is actually the same lot as the one across from Cosi) was full.

It was full-blown screaming insanity. The streets were crawling with midshipmen. The roads were packed with people who clearly had never driven in a civilized country before, let alone Old City (which, in some car-related instances, barely qualifies as civilized either). Everyone in the entire world apparently had forgotten how to get anywhere without completely ruining the lives of everyone else they came in contact with.

Then, after parking four blocks away and seven stories up from the Pub, I hiked down to the Dark Horse...

Which was, of course, mobbed. Although this year, thankfully, it was full of Navy people (and the one lonely, depressed guy in an Army hat) and not Norwegian shipbuilders (the bane of my last birthday party). Around 10 my friend Kevin showed up, and after saying hello he took a quick look around the packed bar. This was easy since we were crammed into the corner near the back door (about 15 of us at Gym Shorts No Underwear's usual table) and all he could move was his head.

"Forgot today was Army-Navy, huh?" he said.

"Er... yes," I replied.

He paused a moment, then said, "for a smart guy you're really fucking stupid sometimes."

I did not argue.

Remember that we start at 7 tonight, that's SEVEN IN THE PM, due to the Eagles "game" at 8:30. Speed quizo, everyone's favorite.

JLK